


How It All Began

by NeiNing



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Accident, Anger, Angst, Car Accident, Comfort, Death, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Love, M/M, Pain, Sorrow, TMNT AU, passed away, relationship, tcest, wheelchair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 19:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15589062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeiNing/pseuds/NeiNing
Summary: Raphael gets in an accident which will change his life forever. But something good also follows.





	1. Life Ain't Easy

**Author's Note:**

> This 2 chapters long little fic is connected to my TMNT AU where 2003 Raphael is in a wheelchair and his mate is 2016 Leonardo, who has appear in 2003 TMNT world. I have write few previous fics about this so I thought it would be nice to write something about the beginning. Enjoy!
> 
> Mature warning because of accident (just in case).

After getting his heart broken Raphael swore to himself never to fall in love again – and his promise to himself had not failed. It was April’s birthday and 4 brothers with Casey and Splinter were at her place celebrating and having a good time. Well, at least most of them.

Sitting on the chair near window Leonardo eyed Raphael who had choose to stay in kitchen corner, keeping his distance on other. Seeing blue eyes looking his emerald green brother so longingly Donatello decided to step in and do something.

Approaching Raphael he smiled, receiving a nod as a sign his presence was accepted and allowed. Sitting down Donatello eyed his brother who kept staring others dancing.

“Why won’t you go dance?”

“Yeah right. I ain’t dancing, Don.”

“Why? I mean look at them all. They seem so happy.”

“I rather sit and enjoy my hot chocolate.”

Leaning closer Don smiled gently. “But there’s still a wish to dance. Isn’t there?”

“For God’s sake, Donnie. Shut up.”

Don wasn’t going to shut up. He leaned a bit more closer, his gentle expression turning more stern.

“Raphael. Go ask Leo to dance. He’s been staring at you the whole evening so far. He looks so sad and lonely.”

Raphael laughed, not loud enough to be heard by others however.

“Me and Leo dancing?! Ya are so fucked up, bro. He keeps his puppy eyes on me in hopes I would finally say yes ta him.”

“Why you haven’t say yes to him then?”

Slow growl rumbled deep in Raph’s throat. “Ya know why so back off. I ain’t in the mood.”

Sighing silently Donatello sat up straight. “Listen, I know you got your heart broken but that doesn’t mean all love is bad and will hurt you.”

“Love is for weakling wimps.”

“So I’m weakling wimp because I love you and all my family members and friends?”

Looking surprised Raphael shook his head. “No, that’s not what I was saying.”

“But that’s exactly what you said. … Raph, give him a chance. Leo seems to be very serious and we all know him. He would never break his promise or hurt any of us. Especially you. We all know how precious you are to him.”

Lowering his eyes back on his half empty mug Raphael made another silent growl.

“Donnie, for your sake – drop it already.”

Sitting silently for a moment just staring at his brother Donatello stood up. “You know, Raph… You are not you anymore. I never imagined you could change so much after getting your heart broken. I miss old you.”

Snapping his head up Raphael was out of words as he watched Donatello’s shell getting more and more further away from him. He kept his eyes on his brother who made his way to Leonardo. They chatted silently with small smiles on their faces when slow song started to play. Don bowed slightly with a humored smile on his face, accepting Leo’s hand when he offered it.

Watching his brothers go on a dance floor Raphael watched how they pressed together, holding each other firm and gently, swinging with the music. Their mouths were moving so they were talking with each other with whispers – and Raph had a feeling it was about him.

**

Swinging with the music Donatello in his arms Leonardo told his smaller brother how he wished nothing more than a chance from Raphael to let him be his lover. Leonardo always had been, and always would be, a turtle of his words. He would never cause harm or pain to Raphael if he would offer his heart to him. So far Leonardo had tried few times for nothing. Raphael had rejected his every approach and gift. It was becoming difficult and depressing.

Everyone knew about Leonardo’s feelings and they’d been encouraging biggest turtle to keep going and being patient. Raphael was stubborn but so was Leo and eventually one of them would give up – and they all hoped it to be Raph. When the music stopped brothers released each other in gentle hold. Right after previous slow song another started. Donatello turned to look Raphael with a smile, asking him to come over with a hand signal.

Leonardo stood still heart hammering as he watched and waited Raphael’s reaction. Seeing muscular turtle to stand up brought all his hopes up, his heart turning wild and flaming. But when the target of his love changed his way turning around and heading downstairs in April’s shop, leaving the building… It tightened Leonardo’s throat.

“W-wait here, Leo. I go get him.”

“Let him go, Donatello. It’s more than obvious I should stop bothering him and quit. I cannot force him to love me, no matter how much I would want that. I shall withdraw and respect his decision.”

Watching Leonardo go and sit back down on the comfy chair made Donatello both sad and angry. Digging out his shellcell Don went down in April’s shop calling after his brother who had left with his shellcycle. He never picked up. He must had been angry at Donatello as well. Well, the best thing was to let him be and cool down. He, eventually, would come back home.

**

Driving on a highway Raphael couldn’t shake this anger off. It was like it was glued on him, flying after him, following him anywhere. He knew Donatello had meant well, just like Leo too, but how many times he needed to repeat himself by saying he was NOT interested on having any love relationships ever again.

Being so focused on his anger Raphael missed a truck which was coming down from smaller road, attempting to move on highway. Apparently the driver didn’t noticed Raphael with his shellcycle since all of the sudden Raphael flied off from his bike, rolling and smashing on the road with high speed and force for a long way. Only then truck driver realized he had hit someone and did his best to avoid hitting Raphael again.

SUV driver wasn’t so lucky since she crashed right on Raphael who was laying on the road. Feeling SUV with heavy load drive over his lower shell, feeling and hearing it crack and break, made Raphael scream in pain. His lower legs were ran over as well when driver tried to dodge poor reptile, causing more damage. Screaming and trembling Raphael dropped his upper body back on the ground, trying to crawl out of the way but his strength had left him. He was trembling in pain while part of the skin from his legs was badly ripped off. His only thoughts were “I’m gonna die.”

**

Party had ended almost an hour ago and turtles had withdraw back into their homes, but still none of them hadn’t heard anything from Raphael. They had tried to call him, track him, but it seemed he had shut down his phone.

Late news reported about serious accident on the highway and when brown eyes noticed red-black shellcycle on the screen in pieces… Donatello’s body was drowned in cold chills and shivers but he wasted no time as he picked up his phone, calling for Leonardo. It took too long before oldest finally answered. Ordering Leo to watch the news from channel 4 Leonardo did so – horror and fear filling his whole being.

They both kept phones on their ears as they watched the news, listening reporter who told there was only one person who had got seriously injured. Helicopter showed footage where ambulance took green figure in and drove off. He was unconscious and ambulance workers had already confirmed their patience was so seriously injured they didn’t keep hopes up.

Hearing repeated swallows Donatello broke the silence. “I will go see him. Will you join me?”

“I’ll be there. See you at the hospital’s entrance.”

**

And that’s where all brothers, Splinter, April and Casey met. They entered in together heading to ask help from nearest nurse who knew Raphael’s accident. She escorted them to wait in the hallway near his room. It felt long, too long, for them to wait when doctor and nurses finally came out. It was written all over his face – Raphael was not fine.

“We did whatever we could but we can’t promise any full recovery at least. He’s badly injured, his legs are paralyzed from knees below and he’s currently in a coma. I would say your goodbyes now, just in case.”

Leonardo rushed past him with Mikey and Casey while Don and April followed them, Splinter staying behind having conversation with doctor and nurses. If the situation wouldn’t had been so serious they all would had laugh at Raphael since he looked like a mummy but they all remained silent as they took their places around the bed. Machines peeped and whirred in small room where atmosphere was heavy. Just silently watching down at their injured brother was tearing them all apart and April was already wiping away her tears in Casey’s arms.

Michelangelo was sniffing slightly every now and then, finally asking; “You guys think this is really it?”

“No!”

Leonardo’s eyes were bright and moist, holding strong belief. “Raphael isn’t a quitter. He will fight and recover. Besides we will be here and support him. We won’t let him give up.”

“I agree with Leonardo. We simply cannot just accept this and let it be. Raphael has always been there for us so we will be there for him. We are family, we stick together.”

Leonardo was thankful for Donatello’s words. They helped him to believe his own words better. Now Master Splinter also entered the room to join with his sons and friends. He didn’t hesitate when he stopped next to Raphael placing his hand carefully on his.

“We all are here for you, my son. Hear our voices and know we wait for you.” After his words silence landed back in the room. None didn’t dare to speak so they all just silently stared at Raphael. Hour passed, then two, three… April and Casey had left after 2 hours since they needed to get to work in the morning. Michelangelo and Splinter had went home as well. Youngest turtle had accompany their father just in case.

That left Leonardo and Donatello alone in the hospital. Sitting on chairs across each other, having Raphael on the bed between them, they both gently held Raphael’s wrapped hands in silence. Donatello had got used of staying awake all nights but tonight he seemed to struggle to stay awake.

“You should go home. I will call you if anything happens.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” Looking down on Raphael’s wrapped head Don sighed. “Tho I wouldn’t want to leave him.”

“Don’t worry. I will stay by his side all the time and will report if anything happens. I swear on my honor.”

Don didn’t doubt that since Leonardo kept his words. Against his will Don stood letting go of Raphael’s hand – which was the most difficult thing what he had ever done. Saying goodbyes and kissing Raphael’s head carefully Donatello left, leaving Leonardo alone.

Leaning closer Leonardo petted Raphael’s head, his vision becoming more blurry. Gently holding smaller head Leonardo kissed visible part of Raphael’s green cheek over and over again, wondering and asking in his mind why Raphael hadn’t let him close. In his heart Leonardo was sure this wouldn’t had happened if Raph would had accepted him as his mate. Closing his eyes tears rolled down on his cheeks, pain filling his chest. Resting his head carefully against Raph’s Leonardo opened his eyes looking at the wall across the room. What he was supposed to do? He felt so lost, weak, and helpless…

**

Hours went by, days went by, weeks went by… And Raphael hadn’t shown any signs of recovering or waking up. Most of his skin injuries had recovered so bandages from those areas were removed. Now looking at Raphael’s uncovered face warmed Leonardo’s troubled and worried heart some. Gently petting Raphael’s cheek and jawline back and forth Leonardo smiled and spoke with soft whispers.

“Hi, handsome. Looking good today. Your wounds have heal nicely.” Smile soon faded away from his lips. Sighing Leonardo kept going; “I know you were hurt badly. I know your heart was shattered but yet I still wish you would had given me a chance to show you not all love is bad and will end up hurting you.”

Waiting for a reply, which never came, Leo swallowed. “I feel I could had prevented this from happening if you would had let me love you. Come close and be there for you. I would had drown you in kisses, hugs and love overall. I would had shown you love is greatest thing when you handle your heart to the right person.”

Keeping another little pause Leonardo blinked his watery eyes few times. Opening his mouth once more to speak again Leonardo noticed darker spot on bandage which was still covering Raphael’s eyes. Area got bigger and darker until tear rolled down between the fabric and skin. Gasping silently Leonardo stared single tear rolling down slowly, finally falling off on the pillow.

“Raph?” Taking a hold on Raphael’s hand Leonardo was hopefully, even slightly, after months. “If you hear me, squeeze my hand.” Nothing. His hope faded away as fast as it had come.

Continuing to pet Raphael’s cheek and jawline slowly with finger Leonardo stopped. Something told him to bend forward closer to Raphael’s face. Following this feeling Leonardo bend forward turning his head to listen. Stopping in front of Raphael’s mouth Leo’s sensitive hearing picked up a sound. It was super silent and tiny but it was definitely there.

Raphael was churring! It lit new joy and hope in older turtle’s heart and his hold on Raphael’s hand got more tight. Leonardo had no idea why Raphael was churring, let alone cry, but they were signs he was recovering. Or that he was at least hearing him in some level. Picking up the shellcell with his other hand Leonardo called Don telling him these small but hopeful news. His braniac brother sounded so delighted after hearing the news, promising to spread them forward. In no time Raphael’s room was filled with hopeful quests but Raphael wasn’t churring or sharing any tears. This didn’t stop Leonardo petting Raphael’s face however. He had managed to get reaction out of him this way so he kept going on with it. It was going to help Raph to come back eventually for sure.

**

Few more days passed and Raphael hadn’t shown any signs when others were around but when Leonardo was alone with him talking to him, holding his hand and petting his cheek Raphael churred. It was always very silent but it was a churr nonetheless. It was late and all this time, what Leonardo had been in the hospital next to Raphael, he hadn’t slept much. He was resting his upper body on the edge of mattress, struggling to keep his eyes open.

His blue bandanna was placed on Raphael’s neck where he, hopefully, could pick up Leonardo’s scent. If and when Raph would wake up Leo wanted him to smell something familiar instead of hospital’s sickening smell of ill people and drugs of any kind.

Remaining his loose hold on smaller hand Leonardo was about to fall asleep when he felt fingers move very slightly in his hand. Forcing his eyes fully open Leonardo remained still, just focusing to watch the hand in his. Sure, soon enough, emerald green fingers moved slightly in his hand like studying what was in contact with his fingers. Sitting up straight Leonardo tightened his hold mildly, keeping his eyes now on Raphael’s face.

“Raphael?”

Light grumble with a mild squeeze.

“Just to be sure I’m not imagining any of this, can you say something or squeeze my hand?”

“…. See...”

It was faint whisper but it was biggest thing in Leonardo’s life. His heart was pounding and smile kept spreading on his face. He wanted to scream in joy but he had to remain calm.

“You can’t see because your eyes are covered.”

Another small unpleasant rumble came out from darker turtle. “Off...”

Without hesitation Leonardo reached forward. Slowly and carefully Leonardo removed bandage from Raph’s face, anxiously waiting those lovely eyes to open. It seemed Raphael had little struggle to get his eyes open but eventually they opened. Seeing yellow eyes spread widest smile on Leonardo’s face and he couldn’t stop small happy laugh escaping him. Leaning down he sealed Raph in a hug, refusing to let go.

His head still felt dizzy and he was confused about his location but smelling familiar turtle while being held by him was comforting. Eventually Leonardo pulled away sending a text to everyone about Raph’s awakening. Seeing Raphael turn his head slightly all around Leonardo leaned slightly forward.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in a hospital. You--”

“Hospital? Why?”

In surprise Leonardo blinked few times sitting back straight. “You don’t… No, wait. What’s the last memory you have?”

“… I was at April’s. I had hot chocolate while watching ya and Don dance.”

“And after that?”

Growling silently Raphael’s eyes sparked in the same old way. “What’s this all about, Leo?! Ya playing 20 questions on me or are ya gonna tell me why am I here?”

“You… You were in an accident. Bad one. You have been in a coma for nearly 4 months.”

He never hadn’t seen Raphael’s eyes turn so round, not see him look so shocked and surprised.

“Ya are kidding me.”

“I’m afraid he’s not.”

Both turtles turned to look doctor who came to do his daily check on Raphael. Today he was late however. “I’m sorry I’m late. We got sudden emergency case where I was needed.”

“No worries about that, doctor. Of course you be there where you’re needed the most.”

Two pairs of eyes followed doctor who came next to his patient, checking on him. “So you have finally awoke. Let me tell you this is a miracle. We all had given up on hope already. We actually started to think of suggesting your family to… let you go since you had been in coma for so many months.”

This shocked both turtles but they decided to keep their mouths shut while doctor kept checking Raphael. Raising his head up doctor eyed Leonardo, finally asking; “Have you tell him about his…?”

Raising eye ridge Raphael eyed both males. Leonardo was shaking his head so doctor asked should he tell the news. Leonardo rejected the offer. He wanted to tell it. Understanding this doctor made final statement saying Raphael had heal better than expected and now that he was awake they would keep him in for couple more days to see he wouldn’t have any complications. After that he would be free to go home.

Leaving two mutants alone doctor headed to see his next patient, hoping Raphael would take the news as good as possible. Seeing the troubled look on Leo’s face made Raphael slightly pissed since he wanted to know what was going on, what was kept away from him.

“What he meant with have ya tell me something or should he?”

Troubled and worried look turned even more stronger on Leonardo’s face as he sat back down on his chair. Taking a hold on smaller hand Leonardo took deep inhale. Blue eyes stared deep in his yellow orbs when Leonardo’s voice came out deep and quiet.

“Raph. You got seriously hurt in that accident… Therefor you will… never walk again. You are paralyzed knees below. The hit on your lower shell, which also broke that part of your shell completely, caused this.”

He couldn’t breath. His lungs felt like frozen, his heartbeat sounded hollow echoing in his empty soul and body. “Ya… Ya are lying!” Somehow, somewhere, Raphael got enough strength to sit up ripping blanket off of his feet. Seeing his scarred legs Raphael stopped. For a moment he hesitated but finally reached to touch his legs. He felt his hand all the way to his knees where feeling became more numb and below knees he felt nothing. Panicking Raphael squeezed his legs over and over again but he felt nothing.

Tears burst out of his eyes with loud scream, hands turning into fists as he kept hitting his scarred legs in desperate need to feel anything with them. Leonardo tried to scream something to him but he didn’t hear it clearly. Panic and fear was too strong to let anything through and Leonardo noticed this. Pushing Raphael back down on his shell Leonardo laid his upper body on top of smaller one, hugging him tight to keep him still.

“Raphael, please, calm down! You’re still recovering!”

It was like Raphael had become deaf. He was screaming louder, cursing and trying to break everything what he could reach but Leonardo’s hold and body blocked him. Yellow eyes spotted lighter green shoulder in front of his face and without thinking anything Raphael opened his mouth sinking his teeth as deep in Leo’s shoulder as possible.

Leonardo yelled in sudden pain and his first instinct was to tell Raphael to stop, get him off and stop the pain. But Leonardo also knew Raph needed to let the anger out and if this was the best way Leonardo would happily go through the pain and let Raphael bite him. Ten long minutes passed when Raphael’s hold on Leonardo’s shoulder started to loose more and more. Now quietly sobbing Raphael let go hiding his face against blood covered shoulder.

This couldn’t be… This was a nightmare, right? He was still able to walk, run and jump. He was not paralyzed… 2 big fingers petted slowly the backside of his head, quiet “shhh” sounds reaching his ear. Leonardo was comforting and holding him still, even after he had bit him. That made Raphael feel guilty on top of everything else.

“I know this is beyond heavy and shocking blow to you but know you are not alone. I know it’s almost futile comfort for you but we all are here for you, we all will do whatever we can to make your life easier and better. It may not feel like it now but this is not the end of your life.”

“...What other purposes I now have in life if I can’t go out there running, jumping and beating the bad guys…?”

“Maybe there’s no need for beating bad guys anymore.” Smiling Leonardo pulled away just enough to see Raphael’s eyes. “While you were in a coma Shredder died and Karai went back to Japan with Foot Clan. They left New York.”

Another shocking new in one day. “What?! Who the hell I beat now?!”

“No one. We simply can now enjoy peaceful life among humans and are free from Shredder.”

“I can’t stand peaceful life! I need skulls to smash!”

“Shh, don’t yell. Anyway, forget smashing skulls. You can’t do it anymore. Not in a wheelchair.”

Wheelchair?! Of course… Raphael now would need one if he wished to move. Strong wave of desperation went through him. “… I just wanna die… I can’t live without my legs. Not in a wheelchair. I have lost my whole fucking freedom.”

Feeling sad for his brother Leonardo sealed him in another hug. He didn’t know what to say so he simply held Raphael close. Hearing door open and footsteps coming deeper made Leo release his hold so that his other brothers, father and friends could come to greet and hug Raphael in turns. Joy and relief was on everyone’s faces and they remained there despite the fact they all knew Raph was going to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.


	2. Life Ain't Bad After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After recovering and living with Leonardo, Raphael discovers familiar old feeling. Getting some courage from Casey helps Raphael to move forward towards happier life.

Two more days in a hospital had been pure torture for Raphael who needed and wanted action. Finally it was time to go home but it was obvious he couldn’t go in sewers with wheelchair. Sitting in one felt unreal, unnatural and he just wanted to jump off and ran away from the damn thing but he couldn’t. His scarred legs were constant reminder that he no longer could use them for anything. Pushing Raphael next to turtle’s van Leonardo lifted Raph in with Mikey’s help and they drove to April’s place where Don had managed to build little elevator for Raphael to move between the levels. It was small comfort but if Raph wanted he could go out at times. But he never did. Instead he kept sitting inside near the window just staring out in the distance, empty look in his eyes.

At first April had took care of Raphael but sudden offer for her to expand her business had appeared and April had accepted it. It also meant she had more less time or chances to be and look after Raphael. That’s when Leonardo, after Don’s suggestion, had stepped in and moved to live with April and Raphael to take care of his brother. He still loved Raphael beyond brotherhood but had pushed those thoughts and feelings back. Raphael didn’t need more pressure in his life and Leonardo had almost lost his beloved brother… More than anything he wanted to have his brother in his life, even not as a mate. As long as he had Raph in his life one way or the other Leonardo was most happy.

Months passed and Raphael had been struggling a lot with his new life. There had been times when he had tried to stand but it always had ended up him laying flat on the floor. Every time Leonardo had lectured him but Raph was stubborn. Only after too many times Raphael finally stopped, accepting his faith. He would never walk again… Mug filled with hot chocolate, whipped cream and small marshmallows appeared on small round table next to him. Looking up he saw kind blue eyes and warm smile.

“Thought you needed one. You looked so sad there a moment ago.”

Accepting Raphael’s silent thanks Leo decided it was all what he was going to get out of his brother. Sitting on sofa chair near Raphael Leonardo took a sip of his own hot chocolate while placing a book in his lap, opening it from the part where he was going. Watching Leonardo and then his own hot chocolate Raphael sighed, starting to feel angry at himself.

He was so pissed he was mellowing in these damn depressing feelings of him not walking again. Fuck it. He maybe wasn’t able to walk anymore but it wasn’t going to stop him. He had been in much more worse situations in his life so why he allowed this fucked up thing screw him so bad? Deciding it was time to start to fight against these ill thoughts and depression Raphael took a sip of his own hot drink.

“… Thank ya.”

“Huh?” Turning to look his brother Leonardo remained silent since it was written all over Raphael’s face; He had more to say.

“I mean… For everything. Donnie told me how ya had been there during the whole time when I was in hospital. Ya left Splinter and our home ta come here ta take care of me. Ya have support me while I have been complete shit.”

“Hey, that’s what friends and family are for.”

It eased bigger turtle’s feelings to see small smile on Raphael’s face. Rest of the evening went in comfortable silence.

**

Ever since Raphael had enough of his gloomy thoughts his mood had improve. He was chatting actually quite a lot and he had started to lift weights and focus on keeping his upper body in shape. Watching Raphael train was such happy thing to see. Leonardo always sat there to watch him training or being near by so Raph could call him if anything happened.

April also had got some good news for them; Since her job had expanded she had got more money and she had rent little apartment for Raphael and Leonardo to live in since Casey was moving in to live with her. But sadly there was no elevator in the building. Both males had managed to convince her it was most fine since Leo could always carry Raph up ad down. It would be nice workout.

After moving April had given them a gift card to near by store where they could go buy furniture in their new home. Leonardo had been struggling to accept such gift on top of the house but April didn’t back away. She insisted he would take it – and he did. Promising to find a job and paying April everything back was something what Leo promised secretly in his mind.

Settling down in their new home was new experience to both of them but it also was exciting. Furniture had been bought and placed in their home and it felt nice. Since Raphael needed care Leonardo had looked jobs which he could handle from his home and he managed to find one. He needed to write speeches, to bosses in different corporations, which he gladly did. His leadership gave him good background support for the job.

Over the time Raphael had started to smile at Leonardo more warmly, asking massages to his legs, help with training and so on. It felt like they had become closer but still remaining as brothers. One day Leonardo was forced to go to meet his boss and he really didn’t want to leave Raphael alone, even that Raph was capable of staying alone at home, so Casey had been called to spend that time with his best buddy. Sitting on the couch and enjoying his beer Casey eyed his friend who was having a little shot of dark rum in class.

“Rum? Really?”

“What’s wrong with rum?”

“Dude. You drink beer.”

“Not anymore. Leo hates that stuff. Says it smells and tastes bad. Plus he doesn’t want that stuff in our home overall. With rum he’s good tho.” Taking a little sip of his rum Raphael licked his lips. “Besides this thing does taste better than beer. Ya should try it.”

“Thanks, but no thanks, dude.”

After a long silence Raphael took deep breath. “Casey. Can I tell ya something?”

“What are ya talking about? Of course ya can! We are best buddies, remember?”

“I ain’t an idiot but there’s a chance ya might laugh.”

“Awh, come on! I wouldn’t do that!”

“Swear?”

“On my half empty beer bottle.”

Raphael chuckled. Casey was a dork – but very good and lovely dork. A friend he could trust and count on everything. Always.

“Okay. But ya promise ya won’t tell about this ta anyone.”

“I swear, I swear. Now get on with it. I’m dying with curiosity!”

Feeling his cheeks heating Raphael dropped his head down. “… I think I’m… ya know.”

“Pregnant?!”

“WHAT!? Fuck’s sake, Casey, NO! Have ya lost your mind?! I’m a male!”

Casey burst to laugh like maniac which annoyed Raphael but he should had known Casey would use any chance to tease him, especially then when Raph had something important to say. If Casey wouldn’t had stopped laughing then when he did, he would had got remains of Raphael’s rum on his face.

“Ya done?”

“Yeah. Sorry about that tho, bro. Couldn’t help it. I swear I will behave for now on, okay?”

“Ya better. Anyway… I… Think I feel the same what ya feel for April.”

“Oh… OOOHH! Ya are in love!”

“SSHH!! Keep it down will ya!?”

“What’s the problem? Everyone’s been hoping and expecting this ta happen. Man, I’m so glad ya finally dared ta open your heart. It’s Leo, ain’t it?”

Blushing furiously Raphael turned his head away which only made Casey smile.

“It was about time then. Ya know big Leo has been having feelings for ya for a long time. When your Leo… died in a fight against Shredder… Ya lost your first love, got your heart shattered, we all feared ya would never love anyone again and would end up living alone. But then this new big Leo appeared in our world and we all knew he was the one who ya needed. It just took damn much longer than we thought it would before ya finally warmed up ta him.”

“I… It’s because he exactly wasn’t my Leo...”

“And he doesn’t even try ta be but ya know he loves ya as much and dearly as your Leo did. Their love for ya is equal and same.”

“Doesn’t it feel like… cheating if ya move on and fall in love with someone else?”

“No. There’s more than just one love ta someones. And seriously, Raph buddy, ya need this love from him. Ya just NEED Leo’s love. There’s no other explanation ta it.”

“So if ya would die and April would find new love, what would ya think of that?”

“Hey, I would be dead. I wouldn’t care. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want her ta find someone and feel love again, being loved, cared and happy. That’s what I always want for my April from anyone who she is with. Even after if I die before her. I’m sure your Leo thinks and feels the same. He wants your happiness.”

Getting no answer from his friend Casey knew he might had hit sensitive spot by mentioned previous Leo so many times. It was time to chance the course.

“Sooo ~” Casey leaned forward with mischievous smirk. “Have ya two kiss already? Or do more naughty stuff?”

Blushing hard Raph followed his instincts, splashing rest of his rum on Casey’s face. “Shut the fuck up! We haven’t done any of that!”

Licking his lips Casey winked at him. “Then ya should. I bet he makes ya scream and beg for more.”

Raising a hand with glass on it Raphael gave his friend a growl. “Last warning, moron. Shut up or ya are gonna get it.”

Laughing Casey packed away with hands in the air. “Okay, okay. I get the hint. Sorry but I couldn’t help but ta tease ya.” Licking his lips again for the remains of the rum Casey hummed happily. “But damn ya were right. This rum is actually quite tasty. Perhaps I should become a rum drinker as well.”

“I think April would appreciate it. At least ya would smell like a fine rum instead of ugly and disgusting cheap beer.” Both males were laughing when Leonardo came home, feeling at ease when he heard the laughs. Casey wasn’t the smartest one for sure, but his heart was gold and he was so familiar with Raphael that if anyone could help Raph in any possible way, when he was too down for his brothers to reach him, it was Casey.

“It sounds like you guys are having fun.” Leonardo smiled at two smiling faces while both men were still chuckling. “I brought us some pizza if you are hungry. You are welcome to stay and eat with us, Casey Jones.”

“Thanks, Leo, but I have ta refuse. I would love ta stay, don’t get me wrong, but April messaged me few minutes ago. She needs me home. There’s some big heavy box what mail brought her and she needs someone ta carry it.”

Standing up Casey went to put on his shoes while two male turtles followed him, keeping him company and having last chats with him. Before leaving Casey gave Raph a look which didn’t go unnoticed by Leonardo. He knew something was on but then again it wasn’t his business to ask about it since it clearly was between Raph and him. So he ignored it.

Slicing pizza was always Leo’s job and he slid it in perfect shapes. Taking his place at the end of the small table Raph watched how Leonardo plated half of the pizza in sliced on his plate, taking rest of the pizza as slices on his own plate.

Throwing pizza box in trashes Leonardo sat down starting to eat. Both ate in silence since they were too busy enjoying the hot pizza in their mouths which made their mouths turn more moist with saliva. The air between them was a bit tensed however and they both were able to sense it. But neither of them didn’t dare to break it. Not yet.

When the last slices were destroyed both males sighed in joy having their stomachs full. Eyeing Raphael Leonardo held back for few seconds before reaching to hold Raphael’s hand. Surprised by the sudden move Raphael eyed his brother.

“Raphael. I need to talk to you.”

“Same. But ya go first.”

Leonardo remained stunned for few seconds before he found his voice to continue. “I… I’m sorry for the time when I tried to push my love for you. I just wanted you to know, so badly, how I felt for you. Then I finally realized you weren’t going to answer for my feelings so I stopped. I’m sorry for all discomfort what I may have caused you.”

“Le--”

“But know I still have feelings for you and… When you were in a coma I was so scared you would never wake again. I would never be able to tell you, or show you, how deeply I feel for you. I’m good if we stay only as brothers but I still want you to know how deeply I feel for you.”

Standing up Leonardo came down in front of Raphael, taking firm hold on emerald green cheeks.

“Forgive me my actions but I _must_ do this.”

When Leo’s face started to come closer Raphael shut his eyes tight and then, lips pressed against his. Raphael tensed and he waited Leo to start to suck or bite his lips but nothing like that happened. This made Raphael open his eyes and stare Leo’s face. His eyes were closed, staying perfectly still. Why he wasn’t kissing him properly? Pressure against his lips started to turn more lighter when Leo slowly pulled away eyelids slowly raising which revealed beautiful blue eyes staring at him so lovingly.

“What the hell was that?!”

Surprised Leonardo stared down at angry yellow eyes. This was the worst to happen, what he had been afraid of.

“A – A kiss...”

“Ya call THAT a kiss!?” Grabbing on Leo’s cheeks Raphael growled. “Ya can’t even kiss right, ya fucker! THIS is a kiss!”

Being yanked down made Leo lose his balance slightly but what surprised him, what made breath get stuck in his throat, was the fact Raphael slammed his lips on his. Forcing his tongue in his mouth and roll around his tongue. Leonardo had to close his eyes. He was trembling and his mind was racing. He couldn’t believe Raphael was kissing him – in such way on top of it! Raph licked, sucked and bit Leo’s bigger lips eagerly, pouring all the love in the first real kiss.

As a finishing touches Raph pulled Leo’s lower lip gently, then giving one slow lick for both lips. Smirking with satisfaction Raphael eyed Leonardo who stayed in front of him like a statue, face all red and eyes wide open.

“That’s a proper way ta kiss someone ya love, Leo. Ya better remember that.”

Hearing the hint in Raphael’s voice made his heart swell and smile spreading on his blushing face.

“I try to remember that. Tho I think I might need more practice.”

Smirking Raphael reached to take another hold on Leo’s face which now held so soft smile. “Come here. I’ll teach ya.”

With pleasure Leonardo surrendered in another deep and love filled kiss. Feeling enormous joy for the love what he was now receiving from smaller turtle Leonardo wrapped his arms around another body, staying as close as possible while deepening the kiss. This was the love what he had felt. This was the love what he wanted to share and give to Raphael… and he was most happy smaller male was feeling the same.

Pulling away from the kiss Raphael focus turned on the scar on Leo’s shoulder. It was a mark from the day when he had discovered he would never walk, ended up biting Leo in anger and shock. Kissing it slow and gently few times Raphael nuzzled against big and visible scar.

“I’m sorry I made ya this.”

Still hugging smaller body Leonardo shook his head.

“Don’t mention it. I have, and will, carry it with pride. It’s a symbol of a time when you needed me and when I could be there. To help you get rid of the pain what you felt strongly deep inside.”

“I shouldn’t had bit ya.”

“True, but you did. And I love it. I love the scar what you gave to me.”

Looking up at Leo Raphael lifted his eye ridge with half smirk. “Ya are damn weird.”

“You have no idea.” Kissing Raph’s lips again Leonardo smiled keeping their noses together. “But let’s go back on my training. I love it and want to learn more.”

Laughing slightly Raphael kissed Leo once with small kiss, wrapping his arms behind Leo’s neck. “What the shell have I got myself into?”

“Oh, you have no idea ~”

Chuckling they both shared few smaller and faster kisses, having deeper kisses every now and then, returning back on small little kisses, simply enjoying the feeling and moment between them.


End file.
